Feel Me If You Can

Salam and Hello everyone.

I got a good news on last Friday. I was so happy and speechless because "the thing" that I wanted so much and have waited for quite sometimes (since last year), was already confirmed in my both hands. But deal is deal. Hence, to know the final decision, I had to wait until Monday, which was yesterday la kan.

But then, I didn't expect something that unexpected. Oh well, I did expect the unexpected but this unexpected thing had really pissed me off. Like seriously. Haishh...

Indeed, in this case I have to think about other people. Atau dalam bahasa kasarnya, I have to please someone yang pernah buat dajal kat aku. (Okay tak berapa kasar sangat pon. Bagus AJ. Sila control selagi mampu). I have to wipe off my BIG dream and throw away my BIG chance just because of the phrases, "I have to please other person". Got what I mean?

I wish I could be someone selfish. Someone who is being so damn selfish to other people. Never bother to the problem that they might face or blablablablabla. But I know I can't. Yup. I simply can't.

I was feeling down for the whole day. My anger yesterday was not under control. Eh under control sebenarnya. Kalau tak bole control, dah lama tangan aku tampar muka terbabit. Kalau ikot hati memang dah lama dah bhai. Tapi ni ikot akal. Maka masih mampu bertahan lagi la.

Rezeki depan mata bakal dilepaskan. Ya. Bakal. Belum dilepaskan. Tapi bakal. Kepentingan sendiri diabaikan demi sesuap nasi kepentingan orang lain. Ya. Orang lain. Bukan diri sendiri tapi orang lain. Maka selagi aku masih mampu bersabar. Aku sabar. Ya. Aku cuba sabar.

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As usual, I have class on Monday. But yesterday, I went to the class for the 1st half only. I was seriously too tired to listen to whatever been explained by the Prof. Then, I dismissed early during the 2nd half.

The husband asked me whether I wanted to go elsewhere or not. Initially, we planned to go to Murni SS2 sbb haven't been there for quite sometimes la. But eventually, we ended up to have a rest at our home.

As we reached our home, my husband told me that he was starving. He hasn't had his dinner yet while I've had mine during the break in the class. So I made him two sandwich burgers as requested by him. But the moment I wanted to prepare that two burgers, something had happened in between.

Yup. Something....

The consequences of that so-called-something-had-happened, I cried like a baby. Mungkin kerna aku terlalu stress. Too stressful pada siang harinya. Aku tahan air mata untuk keluar. Maka terbawak-bawak dan akhirnya aku menangis jugak pada malamnya.

Aku menangis dalam pelukan WF (sumpah ayat ni geli HA TAU TAKPE AJ!). I cried like a baby secara sedu sedan persis kanak-kanak perempuan yang kehilangan ibunya akibat bermain hide and seek dalam shopping complex.

Menangis, menangis dan menangis. Menangis tanpa sepatah ayat yang keluar from my mouth. Menangis sampai sesak nafas. Menangis sampai I couldn't breathe anymore. Sesak nafas sebab peluk kuat sangat. Maka seput metar deh (EH GAPO KLATE?! HAHA PANG).

Then, WF insisted me to take a rest. Tapi aku tanak. Aku nak pergi minum air. Aku haus sebab banyak menangis. Tapi WF tak bagi aku keluar dari bilik. Tapi aku nak keluar jugak. Akhirnya WF ambilkan air kotak milo dari dalam fridge dan bagi aku minum dalam bilik.

Setelah WF menenangkan aku, aku masih menangis. Dan bila keadaan semakin tenang, WF keluar dan masuk kembali ke dalam bilik dengan membawa baby album lantas menyuruh aku melihat gambar-gambar our little junior. Semoga dengan melihat gambar-gambar terbabit, bole lebih menenangkan aku. Aaaahhhhhh...I'm touched!

Aku akur. Aku menangis tapi terhenti sedikit demi sedikit tatkala melihat satu per satu muka surat dalam baby album tu. Hilang stress tengok gambar baby yang semakin membesar hari demi hari. Dan perkara paling indah yang berlaku smalam adalah pabila sambil melihat gambar baby, aku turut menyaksikan perut ternaik akibat ditendang by the little one. Seems like giving her/his responds to Mommy agar bersabar dan terus bersabar. Sesungguhnya, I feel truly blessed~

Simbolik di sebalik entry ini +__0

Kesimpulan pertama: Walaupon kau takde apa yang orang lain ada, tapi kau kena ingat, orang lain takde apa yang kau ada *muhasabah diri*

Kesimpulan kedua: Aku lapar. Mahu mencari makanan for luncheon. Sekian bye.


Hugs,
aj-the-mommy